Knotted emotions


As they drove in confrontational silence
He felt the usual intense unease
build within
His reason crashing
Against the walls of her
irrational convictions
In the fortieth year of attempting this
his heart and mind both
know well the inevitable
failure in this interaction.
Maybe his forty years of patience
or the fifty seasons signaling mid-life
led to the moment
when he stopped the car
on that lonely stretch of a Passaic county backroad, 
and said 
"Out"
to his eighty-two year old mother.     
Unsure himself 
of whether he’d issued a threat or command
uncertain of the measure of his own conviction
He decided in the moment
that it was an instruction
I’ll drop you off here, he said,
And you can find your way home.
I have had enough of your suspicions
Your hostility,
Your disparaging words.
No more.
they drive on
an unusual calm settling in the space between them
like a pleasant cloud
comforting
even as his heart is racing to be calm
his mind working furiously to be cool
somehow
in some unforeseen way
the threat has stemmed the tide
at least for now
a first…
a little later
in the mall
He shops for a winter jacket
for her
downstairs.
Not finding any he asks and is told
its upstairs
that he should be looking.
He tells her to wait
he will go upstairs
find a jacket and come back for her.
‘Come back soon, son’
she says
‘I don’t want to be lost’.

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