...its what to do with time...

the young think they have time
the old think they don't
...here I sit in the middle
and wonder how to slice my time
There are too many things to do
many competing priorities
and time not enough for them all...
the hardest is to take the little time that's left after the must-do's are tended, and
decide how to fill it.
Do I give my best time to a charitable unselfish cause,
turn inward to a purely selfish indulgence, or
proceed to the next to-do in my infinite list?
Should I just toss out all those nice-to-do endeavors in my life?
Or is through them that I find some spiritual peace?
How much should I focus on the kids, or will they figure it all out themselves?
What turns into selfish, and
what is selfless?
Does either satisfy the soul?
I don't know...
its as simple as, should I cook dinner and do right by the family,
or should I order pizza and watch the game instead?
should I get some extra work done for Monday,
or should I take my mother shopping on Sunday?
should I go to yoga class
or should I call on Barry and talk to him about his troubles?
Looks like most of life's emotions are centered around these choices
and the consequences that come from them...
Today, I regret intensely my decision
to not go back to my high school for our 35year class reunion...
I was concerned about the unneeded expense it would cause the family.
a perfect damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't.situation.
Many many scenarios play out like this
It is because I am focusing on what I missed?
rather than what I achieved?
Maybe I should look at this choice as having benefited my family
rather than it ruining the only chance I had for a communion with my old buddies.
Maybe (maybe not) what i need to learn is this:
To make the best decision at the time and
then move forward with confidence.
Less looking back to reevaluate and no regret.
Maybe this is what it means to live in the moment
instead of living in that what-might-have-been moment.
I used to shake my head and disagree when Sinatra sang about how he lived a life of few regrets
It's impossible to make perfect decisions I would think
so you'd have to have no conscience to live without regret.
I now find a new interpretation of that verse
It is to live the fullest days and along the way
make the best decisions using both your head and and your heart.
Then allow the truth and honesty in that decision to set you free
from any chains of guilt and remorse.
Other than in math, there are no perfect answers
Knowing that your answer is the best it could be,
Move on
enjoy this moment
second guessing the last will exempt you from that!!!

Mir Nov 29, 2015


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